LOSING YOURSELF WHEN YOU BECOME A MUM
This week I’ve had a rollercoaster of emotions. Nothing unusual if I’m honest. Joys of being a girl who over analyses everything and tries to find the deeper meaning, even if there isn’t one.
This week I got the pressing urge to have another baby!
My son went off, bursting with excitement to his first school camp for a few days. And I got slapped in the face with a tiny taste of empty nest syndrome. He’s been away from home before. Staying the night at friends and staying with family. But this week’s school camp cut that apron string right off. I had it tied nice and TIGHT!
He’s off being independent, tackling challenges and living life away from home with his amazing friends and I couldn’t be happier for him.
So I find myself this week with the urge to fill my nest. It’s a bizarre feeling. My logical mind has no desire to dive back into the trenches and create another wonderful little human. But my heart and body beg me to reconsider.
The past couple of years I feel as if I have slowly emerged from life as a mum of little kids. As if the fog has been lifted. I find myself trying to discover who I am. Not the roles I fulfill. But who I am now at 35.
You often lose yourself when you become a Mum. Your identity changes. Your passions shift.
Life as a Mum is never easy, you often find yourself clinging to memories of life BC (Before Children). Dreams of cocktails, LONG deep sleep and lazy Sundays. Life before Dora, Frozen and Thomas the Tank Engine. No matter what your experience with motherhood, the experience will change you. It can challenge you to the extreme and can consume you for years. But through it all, you can discover what you are all about. Your values, ethics and your truth.
Whatever happens, just don’t get lost in it.
When you emerge you will be smarter and wiser. Unfortunately a touch older with the wrinkles to prove you’ve tackled it. It’s a caterpillar effect like no other.
There are also a few brilliant skills that you can keep with you along the way, like the ability to drink cold coffee and knowing that every day is a new beginning regardless of what happened the day before.
The reality is motherhood is intense, ever-changing and an experience like no other. The desire to create more wonderful little humans I’m sure will present itself time and time again over the coming years as my kids continue to grow. For now, it’s my time to be the best version of myself for them. To show them that they have contributed to the person I am today and continue to grow alongside them.
Motherhood is a job for life. Our role is to hold their hand while their little and their hearts forever.
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